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How counselling can help

How counselling can help

Counselling doesn't remove what's difficult. It changes your relationship with it — and that turns out to make a great deal of difference.

Suzie sitting by the water

What counselling can offer

It’s worth being honest about this, because the promises made for therapy are sometimes wilder than the reality.

Counselling won’t undo a bereavement, reverse a diagnosis or make a difficult person easy. What it can do is give you an hour a week that belongs entirely to you, with someone whose only job is to pay attention to your experience.

In that space, people generally find some combination of these things:

  • Being heard properly. Not managed, not advised, not compared to someone else’s situation. Heard.
  • Understanding your own patterns. Why the same argument keeps happening. Why you agree to things you don’t want. Where the reflex came from, and whether it still serves you.
  • Room for feelings that have nowhere else to go. Anger, grief, relief, resentment — including the ones that feel shameful to admit.
  • A clearer sense of what’s yours. Which of your beliefs about yourself you arrived at, and which were handed to you.
  • Choice. Not that everything becomes easy, but that more of it becomes chosen.

When I’m not the right counsellor for you

Part of working ethically is being clear about the edges of my competence. There are things I’m not the right person for, and saying so early is far kinder than discovering it three sessions in.

I’m not currently able to offer counselling if:

  • You’re living with an eating disorder
  • You have a diagnosis of a personality disorder
  • You’re currently receiving support from an Adult Mental Health Team or other psychiatric services
  • You’re experiencing substance dependency or addiction

None of that is a judgement about you, and it certainly isn’t a comment on whether you deserve support. These areas need particular specialist training and, often, a team around you rather than one person. Sending you somewhere better equipped is the right thing to do.

If you’re not sure whether this applies to you, contact me anyway. We can work it out on the call, and if I’m not the right fit I’ll do my best to suggest where to look next — the BACP Therapist Directory at bacp.co.uk is a good starting point, and your GP can refer you to NHS talking therapies.

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